When the stars of a New Zealand “reality” television show (of questionable merit) used the term “Aunty” to label a ‘single woman’ (in a way that’s frankly misogynistic and disrespectful) I took exception. Thankfully I wasn’t alone.

Why? Because those of us with “Aunties” know who aunties really are. They are literally the sisters, friends, cousins and second-cousins of our parents and our grandparents  – and when we talk about our “Aunties”, these are the women we mean:

We mean the loving, yet formidable women who command respect – and they’ve earned it too. Through all of their good times and their bad, their triumphs and their struggles, we have gained – as a family – a sense of identity and belonging because we share a rich history with them. My Nan had seven sisters (Aunty Betty too). These staunch, sometimes stubborn, but awe-inspiring women are the matriarchs and the backbone of our family. One running joke is that you never mess with “the Aunties” because they outlived their brothers and their husbands too! “Watch out Cuz, here comes the Bella-Mafia!”

But like the rest of us they’re human, and some of my Aunties aren’t very well right now and they’re forefront in my thoughts.The Aunties for me, have been the ones I sometimes hid from (they could be scary), or I ran to for a hug and a kiss (they could make everything better). All of them have a sharp wit and a quiet dignity that keeps us on our toes. On those increasingly rare but special occasions, I still wander into Nan’s kitchen to put the kettle on and hear them at the table, playing cards and speaking in Maori to one another. Sometimes I tell them, “I know when you’re talking about me”, which is met with cheeky giggles and ‘Bring the biscuits over with you dear’.

So, thinking of my Aunties, and my Nan – I haven’t brought the biscuits, but I made a drawing. Hemi’s boys (Tahi, Rua and Hemi Jr.) brought you some flowers too. I know how much you like those.
Arohanui Aunties – I’ll put the kettle on.

Kereama